Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
