Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
