I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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