I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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