So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
