I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize