I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I look better un-naked...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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