I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
