Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
