i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
