trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
