Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's blow job season.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
