it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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