My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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