drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
BRING THE BAGELS
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
