Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
