I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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