it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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