exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
