better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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