I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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