i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
