The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
