Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize