woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
