I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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