It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you win again, gameday.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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