Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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