isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
