walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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