I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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