so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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