Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
