he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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