Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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