got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize