i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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