Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So vagazzling was a success
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
