Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
