Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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