I wish I only lived at night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
