what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
