Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
