Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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