Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
