I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
