i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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