Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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