I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
