omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
