Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
