Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
