this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
