does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
