Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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