Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
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Sacagawea was the original milf.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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