Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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