Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
