before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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