When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
