3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
