i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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